


in the bitter watches

by impossiblewanderings



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Family, Family Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:17:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblewanderings/pseuds/impossiblewanderings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael watches over Leonardo. Based on the 2k12 Season 3 preview.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the bitter watches

_"Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night …" (LOTR: The Two Towers)_

* * *

“You almost died on the way here, did I tell you that? You were lyin’ on the floor of the van, and I wasn’t really paying attention, I was so tired, we were all so tired, Casey kept drifting across lanes, Mikey was passed out drooling all over the window, an’ it was so quiet … An’ then I realised, I couldn’t hear you breathing. I couldn’t hear a damn thing. I yelled for Donnie, and he came flying across the front seats, told me to get the fuck outta the way. I knew it was serious then, ‘cause you know Donnie don’t curse much, even when Splinter ain’t around, and I couldn’t see you, he was leaning over you, and I see Mikey at the window, the streetlights on his face. I ain’t never seen him so scared, Leo. I don’t ever want to see him like that again. I wish … I just … you gotta wake up man. Please wake up.”

“You’ll be damned sorry you missed this, big brother. Mikey tried to feed the chickens this morning and they chased him all the way across the yard an’ up a tree. He was hanging from it by his nunchuks, just screaming like a baby for me, ‘RAPH, RAPH DON’T LET THEM GET ME’, it was so damn funny, Casey couldn’t walk straight he was laughin’ so hard, and April, she was trying to be serious but her voice was all shaky trying not to let it out. Aw man, you should have seen it, bro. Mikey swinging from this tree, screaming ‘bout how he needed to change his shell and how he couldn’t remember if chickens could fly or not, and they were all flutterin’ and squawking ‘round the bottom trying to get at him. Heh … Thing was, I was sleeping on the hill, an’ you know how the sun makes us so slow an’ stupid, all I heard was Mikey screamin’ his lungs out for me an’ Donnie. And I thought … for a second there, I thought they’d found us. I yelled at Mikey and Casey, hell, all of ‘em, really. Just went off on ‘em. I feel bad now, but _fuck_ , I was so _fucking_ scared, Leo. I thought … Dammit.”

“Where’s Sensei, Leo?  Why hasn’t he found us yet? Why haven’t we heard from him? You know how he used to tell us he would always be able to find us, ‘cause he could sense our auras? How Mikey’s was orange and Donnie’s was purple … an’ yours was this dark blue, but not a bad dark, just deep. Mine was red of course. I remember asking him how he could find me, amongst all those other people with red auras, ‘cause you know how mad the people in New York can get. An’ I thought that red just meant angry. But Splinter told me that he could tell me apart from everybody in the world, that my red wasn’t that dull blood colour, but bright, that it had little specks of light in it, like sunlight on water. It was probably just bullshit, right? So we wouldn’t be scared when we were little … I wish I could sense ‘em though. I bet his is gold, just like his eyes.”

“Donnie came and said you were looking better, Leo, but I dunno. I mean, Mikey an’ April were with him, and you know that thing he does when he’s lying, can’t keep his hands still? Kept moving ‘em, to check your temperature an’ everything.  I know he was lying. You ain’t getting better, ‘cause if you were better you would wake up. Doesn’t take a genius like Donnie to see something ain’t right. But I know one thing. I’m not gonna let you die on me, bro. You don’t get to do that to us. I’m staying here until you wake up. An’ I know what you would say, that we have to stop the invasion, find Splinter, make a plan to stop the Kraang once and for all. But you listen to me, Chief. I ain’t going _nowhere_ until you wake up. Got that? Good.”

“Still no news of Splinter, man. Sorry. We’ve been trying to get information ‘bout what’s happening in New York, but the television’s busted, even Donnie can’t fix it, that’s how busted, and the radio kinda fades in and out, and what you can hear … it ain’t good. I’m … ‘m worried about Mikey. He’s gone so quiet now. I came in the other day and he was standing over you, just _staring_. I couldn’t see his face. I don’t know if I even wanted to. And Donnie … we fight every damn day. Over such stupid little things, and after I can _see_ how stupid it was, but I can’t help it while we’re actually havin’ the fight. You know I never could. We need you back, man. _I_ need you back.”

“Just been sparring with April. You’d be proud of her, Leo. She caught me a good one, right in the jaw. BAM. It was amazing. She’s pretty much a full _kunoichi_ now. It’s really good ‘cause we’ve been thinkin’ of doing some scouting out in the woods, and back towards the highway. Just training you know, so we’re ready, but also maybe tryin’ to find a dump or something so Donnie can make the TV work. Not that she can replace you, an’ I’m not saying that I’m the leader now, it’s just … we need this, I think. With Mikey cracking up and Donnie … I think we need some time away. Casey’s gonna stay with you, make sure you’re okay. I’ll see you later.”

“I talked to Donnie about you, called him out on his bullshit. Took a while, and I didn’t really understand half the stuff he was sayin’, but pretty much what’s happening is that you’re trying to make a decision. Or at least your body is. It’s trying to figure out if it has enough juice to keep on going, or just … well, you know. Donnie says the fight is out of your hands now, like you’re sleeping and don’t even know about it, but I think he’s wrong. That day, when you … the Shredder said some things. Not much specifically, but I know the kind of fight you had on your hands. You went in there, and you didn’t think you were coming back out. I know you, Leo. I know you better than anyone else. You knew you were dead meat, but you didn’t care. You just wanted to take down as many of ‘em as you could before you went down yourself. Just like I would have. You thought you weren’t coming back to us. Maybe you still don’t realise that you made it. Sometimes, I see your fingers twitch or your eyelids, an’ I wonder if you’re still fighting that battle in your head. Maybe you don’t know that it’s over. Well, I’m telling you now, Leo. It’s over. It’s over. Come back to us. Come home.”

“Wake up, Leo. It’s your birthday. Seventeen today. Well, it’s all of ours, but it’s yours too, even if you sleep through it. It’d be nice though, if you chose this day to wake up. Be the best present I ever got from you, anyway. I had your present ready, did you know that? I bought the box set of _Space Heroes_ online. April picked it up for me. It was huge, I never knew there were so many damn episodes. I bet you could have quoted ‘em all though. I woulda grabbed it when we left, but Donnie made a good call, only one meaningful thing. Ah well, if the lair’s still standing, I’ll get it back one of these days. We could watch it together sometime … Ah, shit. _Shit._ It’s my birthday too, Leo. An’ I just want you to wake up. Please wake up. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

“I don’t know why it’s so much easier to talk to you this way. I mean, at first I felt like an idiot, you obviously can’t hear me. But I’ve come to like it, sort of, stayin’ up all night and talking to you. It’s like when we were little. You used to climb into my bed and we’d ninja-whisper into each other’s ears so Splinter wouldn’t hear. Man, we used to call everything ninja back then, didn’t we? Ninja algae an’ worms. Ninja bathtime. Ninja-naps. The stars here are awesome, did I mention that? You know how excited you used to get when we could see like, three stars back in New York. Out here, there’s hundreds. Thousands. Probably even millions, I dunno, I’d have to ask Donnie about it. Point is, you would love it. You can see a few now through the skylight, but it’s not the same, really. Not like being outside, an’ just getting dizzy with all the stars pressing in around you … Look. Look, Leo, it’s been almost a month now, and you haven’t woken up. I’m starting to think you might not ever wake up. But if you can’t … if it’s too hard … then know that I love you, okay bro? Whatever you choose. We all love you.”

“…. Leo? LEO? GUYS! GUYS GET UP HERE! LEO’S AWAKE! You’re awake, aw _fuck_ , you’re _awake_ , I thought … I _thought_ …”

“ _S’ok, Raph. Don’ cry_. _Don’t cry. ‘M here now.”_

**Author's Note:**

> The Season 2 finale and Season 3 preview gave me so many feels that I had to project them outwards onto other helpless individuals in some twisted sense of vengeance. :)


End file.
